I keep trying to write this post. I’ve started it half a dozen times or more. My first thought when I sit down to write is to try to explain why I haven’t posted in so long. And then to try to share what’s been going on in my head because I haven’t been making as much art either.
The thing is, I don’t always find it helpful to put those thoughts out there for the world to see, and I have a small enough readership on this blog that I’m not likely to open a robust discourse that could be helpful. So, I’m not as comfortable writing all of that. And when I have written it all out, thinking I’d go ahead and take the chance and post it, I read it back and feel like it’s being either whiny or needy or something I can’t quite describe but makes me feel ick.
I’m not sure why I stopped posting. I do know that the farther and farther away from the last post I got, the harder it has been to post again. Starting something at the beginning is hard, starting or restarting something again is harder. And that is true for more than just blogging.
I’m also not entirely certain why I haven’t been making as much art. I have some suspicions. Things like wondering if I tried to stuff myself in a hole or box that doesn’t really fit comes to mind. Feeling like I’m just being silly to ask people in this economy to buy my art is another thing that comes to mind. Then there is the frustration or maybe irritation with some things related to my art store, or the merchandise that is available which might be putting me off. Though, along with that comes the recognition that I can make changes to fix or help that however, those changes require time and work to implement and I honestly haven’t decided if I’m ready or willing to commit to doing it. A hard truth.
Another thing I am facing is how I feel about having a ‘business’ art or otherwise. Because before I started my art business I had decided to no longer try to follow that path. And while I have thought about why I did it anyway, I’m not ready to discuss it so we’ll move on.
I think the short explanation is that I somehow got stuck. I’d love to be able to say, at this point, that I know what’s wrong and here is what I’m going to do to fix the ‘situation’. That would just make me so happy. Unfortunately I’ve learned that I don’t work well when I announce my plans for things I’m going to do. Once I say what I’m going to do it feels like I’ve already done it and I barely do anything of the sort. It’s a bit annoying really. And yet, it is how I work. So I won’t be announcing anything like that. I have some ideas of things that I want to try. I am hopeful they will feel right and I will find a groove again. Or I will try something else.
In case you are wondering, before I close this out, I have completed a couple of pieces since the last blog post. I did my Christmas decor painting, I painted my Blue Herron painting in watercolor finally, and I’ve just recently done a pastel painting of a seashell that I still need to sign and spray. I do need to take the bird and the shell to the photographer still. I re-painted the room that serves as my art studio. I really love the color. And, I tested for my 4th degree Black Belt in Taekwondo. I’m quite proud of that.
I think my next step is going to be to work on some sketches before deciding if the next piece will be a pastel or an oil painting. As always, it will probably be the piece that decides how it wants to be rendered.
Anyway. That’s the quick catch up.