I’m not sure I’m quite ready for things to “get back to normal”. Sure, there are things I would like to be able to do more comfortably. I’m just not sure that I’m ready to return to the way things were. I’m, also, not sure that we can completely. Which, I think could be a good thing.
While I look forward to seeing family again without masks, an getting hugs, and even going back to the Taekwondo studio, there are a few things, I’m not sure I’m ready for. The social obligations, or the perceived social obligations. The feeling like I’m letting someone down if I decide not to go do something because I would rather do something else, or just because I don’t want to do that right now.
I took the opportunity of the lockdown closing the gyms to figure out that I don’t really like going to the gym. It’s not that I don’t do things to try to stay active and get in exercise. I do that. I just don’t enjoy the social expectation that you have to go to a gym to stay healthy. And I found that at this point, I don’t enjoy the gym experience. I’m happy to not have to return to that “way it was before”. And I found out something else.
I wasn’t looking for this revelation or realization, but due to the nature of lockdowns and having to stop for a bit, it was able to find me anyway, I got to recognize that there were things for which I was putting in a lot of time and effort, and a good deal of my focus, and while they were and are nice distractions, they aren’t helping me with the thing that needs to be my higher priority. That is my day job. This is a big shift in my thinking that may seem to be sudden, though, it is a few years in the making.
A few years ago, the day job wanted me to get a certification. I had old opinions about certifications that they were mostly a waste of time, but they wanted me to take the test. I made an attempt at it, didn’t pass, and then didn’t try again. My inner two-year old decided to throw a temper tantrum. I was still railing against, not, the opinion of the test, but of where I was in my career and life. I wasn’t doing what I went to school to do and I was indignant, at least inside, that I had/have all this creative talent, and maybe even brain power, and I wasn’t doing anything “great”. They day job was not happy about my not trying again and it became more of a requirement for them that I pass the test than a desire for me to.
I did pass the test on the second try. And I found something out. Because of my experience with people who had taken and passed more than a few Microsoft (in particular), certification tests, I had a low opinion of their value. I knew people with their MCSE that couldn’t change a hard drive, and one that apparently was responsible for a virus intrusion at a bad time of year. I also knew a guy that could buy the study book on Friday, spend the weekend studying it, take the test on Monday, pass, and return the book on Tuesday.
What I found out, after taking, and passing that first certification test is that the tests have changed. They are harder than what I expected. You do need to know your stuff, or at least to have been exposed to enough of the technology to be able to figure out the answer based on your study and experience. Studying for the certification tests was a good way for me to get further knowledge of the stuff I work with and am responsible for as part of my day job. As a result, I now question the attitude of the people that say they don’t need schooling for working in computers or that certifications are worthless pieces of paper. Yes, there are people that are good at what they do in the technology field and they are self-taught, or mostly self-taught. Kudos to them. That doesn’t mean they couldn’t also benefit from the knowledge they would gain by studying for a certification test or taking a course.
Not only did the requirement, to take and pass that certification test change my opinion of computer certifications, it also forced me to look at my attitude about my day job up to that point. Or at least the few most recent years leading up to that point. What I figured out, much to my disappointment, was that I had no plan B and I needed to make plan A work. It took time but I started to better embrace the idea that I was going to need to take a few more certification tests. Though, the study needs were a little frustrating. It meant I would have less time to play at being a digital artist, or at being a guitar player, or even at being a traditional artist, or whatever other fantasy I had that I might be. It meant that I needed to look realistically at what I need(ed) to know for the day job as opposed to what I dreamed I could/would do.
None of this happened overnight. It wasn’t a lightening bolt that hit me out of the blue. It took thought and reflection. And though the beginnings of it started much before the pandemic started, the opportunity for them to grow and gain a stronger foothold for me and in me, that, came with all the lockdown measures. There is a benefit in forced boredom. It is the place where we get to be creative, it is the place we get to heal, and it is the place where we get to reflect on those things we have been able to avoid by staying too busy to look at them. And what I got to see is that I have a very good day job. I have opportunity to learn and grow in it if I choose to, and if I will step up and make the efforts. I may need to put in my personal time to gain knowledge in the areas that I can be of most use for it and that is the nature of the field I work in. If I were a Medical Doctor, at least a good one, I would need to continue to keep up with the changes in medical science as well. So, this requirement is not unreasonable. Challenging at times, yes, unreasonable, no.
Because of this shift in my priorities, and because I’m still settling into it, I’m not ready for things to go back to the way they were. I’m not ready to go back to doing all the same things I did before. I’m not ready to return to the same perceived or otherwise social expectations and obligations. I’m still getting comfortable with my new priorities, and I’m not ready to have to say ‘no’ to things, I’m also not ready to face the people that I have come to realize over an incredibly tumultuous year, have such different values from me, something that is a whole different topic.
All this shift in priority and focus means I have spent much less time over the last year playing guitar and working on art projects. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t done some of both. On the contrary, I have managed to complete a few cool art projects, and I’ve learned at least one or two new songs on guitar. I, also, studied for and passed a certification test and started studying for an additional test or two.
Though my efforts at studying for additional certifications have been somewhat diverted to learning some things in order to implement a project for the day job, I still plan to try for another test this year. Because of that, more of my time will be spent on stuff for the day job. I have finally embraced it as a career, not just a job, and as such it has become my priority. I don’t intend for it to take up every waking moment from now on, I hope to stay a reasonably well-rounded person so, I intend to continue to pursue my hobbies. And that right there is the key shift for me. The things I do, art and music, while very much a part of who I am, I am still a musician and an artist. Those activities that I engage in as a musician and as an artist, are my hobbies. They are not going to be my way to quit the corporate world and make my way. I am not going to become this overnight sensation in any of it. I do them because I enjoy them. And something about them insists I do those things. I may, on occasion do something cool with one of the hobbies that is notable beyond just being fun. But I won’t be playing at any of them as a side gig anymore. Oh, I still have projects planned for the art, and I have courses for the guitar that I want to get into as time permits. I still have video games I want to play, and maybe try to build, and I still have animation projects that sound like they would be fun to make. And if they all happen great. If some of them don’t, that’s ok too.
And so, I’m not ready to “go back to how it was before”. I am ready for a new normal. One that is more purposeful, that expends less energy trying to escape from what I have and more time embracing and accepting it. And more time actively working to improve it.
Currently, in addition to working on PowerShell for the day job, I’m also working on things around my home. Some of the new furniture has arrived and the young men upstairs were of great help and took some of the old furniture to the garage for me so it can be picked up for donation. I have been doing some cleaning out of things and so along with that furniture I have a bunch of boxes of miscellaneous stuff for that donation pickup. I’m excited about this. I’m still painting the bedroom. I’ve got one wall left to do. It has more furniture against it and one of those items is the bed so moving stuff will be a task. But once it’s all done, that will be the last of it for that room. There are still two more pieces of furniture to come. They may be a while before I get them. But that’s ok. The way things look right now is so much closer to what I want that I can be patient. I have also started that 24 move poomse I have to design. I’ll try to remember to explain what that is about next time.
I don’t have as many pictures this time. Just the difference between the new sofa and the old one. It’s more of a difference than it looks in the pictures. Oh, and I have one of the new tv stand, though I forgot to take a picture before I took the old one out so I don’t have that for you to compare. I’ll have more soon. I’ve got time off from the day job and I’ll be working on finishing up some of the projects around my home. And I might even manage some time to just chill. That would be something.